Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
