It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
