It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
