You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
