I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
