Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
