well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
