i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
