don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
