Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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