It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
