At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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