it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
