All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
