Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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