ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
