haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
