I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
