did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
