Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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