if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
