ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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