If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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