turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
