turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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