so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
