The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
