then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
