I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
