Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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