The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
