I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
