i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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