I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
two words...techno handjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
