i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
