Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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