It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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