Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
