I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
