Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
