I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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