Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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