anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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