When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
