I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize