i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
