I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
