Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
