I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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