Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
