you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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