He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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