you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
