She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
