She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
