And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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