Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
