i was born a porn star she said
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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