his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
