I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize