And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
