Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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