Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
