so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
