I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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