My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
