I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He passed out mid-signature
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
