I will die if light touches me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
