Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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