who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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