I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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