then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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