Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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