did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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