i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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