Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize