I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
